[5/17/22] Mind-Body Monday: The Mental, Emotional and Energetic Components of Being Over a Healthy Weight Part 2
In addition to the mental and emotional triggers, there are also energetic triggers to being over your healthiest weight. Many people who are naturally Empathetic, like Healers, Teachers, Coaches, Counselors, Spiritualists, Foster Parents, Childcare Workers, Social Workers, and others, who may not have ever been abused or mis-treated, also carry extra weight for other less understood reasons.
One is the energetic depletion they feel, that is sometimes called Compassion Fatigue. It is that experience that happens when the person or people that we work with, draw energy from us, in an effort to understand, be understood, be healed, be cared for, feel safe, etc. Now this is most commonly done unconsciously, by the person. They are people that simply draw from us as they are desperate to learn and receive what we have. They want our knowledge, our sense of peace, our healing, our love, or simply our calm or contentment. They don’t intend to drain or deplete us, they simply can’t help it because we are so tasty! I was once told that being around me was like a hit of energetic morphine, lol. I am sure there are those of you listening that have also been told, “you are such a great listener, I wish I could record what you say, I always feel better when I am around you, I wish we could spend the day together, no one helps me like you do, etc…..”
Because we might be people pleasers or struggle with co-dependency you may have difficulty saying no, when you are asked for something that drains you, or pushes you past your comfort zone. You may hold someone else’s happiness at a greater value then your own, and are willing to consciously or unconsciously give of yourself in a way that leaves nothing (or less than nothing left). For those of you that “care too much” as it were, you may find that by the time you get home you are so exhausted you can barely function. What you need is more energy, but what you reach for is food.
Eating in and of itself is very grounding. It makes us really feel embodied, if we are paying attention, if we are not it is a good distraction from our thoughts and feelings. What we eat obviously makes a difference as well. When we are eating after a particularly draining experience, we are seeking to replenish the energy we have given away. Which btw doesn’t even have to be in person, it could be over the phone or zoom. As an example, I want you to close your eyes and imagine someone in your life that is particularly draining… got it?
Okay, now imagine being on the phone with them for two hours… By the time you hang up, you might feel like you are ready for a nap, you are so exhausted… Ever happen? You might feel like you just got done running a marathon, and all you did was talk on the phone. This is because energy is limitless, it transcends space and time. Proven by the example I just gave you, some people can drain you when you are not even near them physically.
When you are done with the phone call, you might feel like a snack or a nap. You are training to replenish the energy you weren’t even noticing was being drained from you. If you are angry in addition to exhausted, it is possible you will reach for something that has an addictive quality to it. Cigarettes, Alcohol, Caffeine, Sugar or Starch. Something that will give you a physical sensation of being in your body along with a bit of a rush to calm your emotions.
Whatever you choose to eat, it is also likely that you will eat more than your body needs physically. Again, because your body doesn’t need to replenish the physical energy of sitting on the phone, it really needs to replenish the psychic energy and food cannot do that. What it does instead is distract you. Especially the “tastier” you find it. And the more you desire distraction, the more you might find another to go along with it, like scrolling your phone, or playing a game or watching a show, and before you know it that bag of “whatever” is empty, and you are still somehow hungry, even while stuffed. Have you ever felt that way? Full but still hungry? Sometimes that is because you are not eating something nutritious, you are satisfying your mouth instead of your body. But sometimes it is because you are not replenishing the energy that was taken, you are just filling the body with food.
(btw..if this describes you I highly recommend the book, Co-Dependent No More, by Melody Beattie.
Now, we are going to talk about the darker side of being a care-taker, best friend, daughter, son, co-worker, health care provider, counselor, coach, teacher and guide, etc… There are also some people that have never learned how to replenish their own energy from source, creator, nature and other forms of limitlessly replenishing and giving energy, which human beings are not. Those people can be “takers” of your energy intentionally. Some have called them psychic vampires. They are often those same people who leave you feeling so incredibly depleted by a simple phone call.
Perhaps they refuse to listen, instead they might continue to rave on about their suffering, and are constantly arguing on behalf of their limitations. Perhaps they are people who see it as their right to take from you, because of your relationship with them. If you have to work with them regularly as clients, or patients or family, you might be putting on excess weight or be unable to remove weight, because your body is trying to create a “physical buffer” between you and them. A way to shield you from what they are taking in order to keep giving without feeling drained beyond what you can replace or repair. This person could be someone in your work or home. You have to learn how to shield your energy from them. There are many books out there that describe this type of work, but I am also happy to assist you, if you want to schedule a FREE session with me.
In addition to adults, children are often vampiric with their needs. Not intentionally, but since the time they were born (or in the case of women while they are being built, lol) they have looked to us for their sustenance and nurturance. They will take your energy like you are a juice box and they are the straw. They don’t do it to be unkind or to hurt us, but they don’t know yet how to replenish their own energy or soothe their own distress, so we are all they know when it comes to feeling better. We generally don’t have shields between ourselves and our children, so it is even harder to protect ourselves from feeling drained, and eating to recover from it. Give me a thumbs-up if you ever waiting until your child was asleep to wind down with wine and snacks.
Now, I am not suggesting that we be unavailable for them, in fact I would suggest the exact opposite. Give them as much energy as you possibly can so they can feel full, and then teach them how to replenish on their own. Teach them how to take care of themselves (age appropriately) so they feel supported and strong in the choices they make, so they will continue to make them and grow in their own ability to self-nurture as they age. This helps them become the type of people we DO Love to be around. The ones that make us feel better, instead of just more exhausted.
I hope this helps you understand why you might be putting on weight to keep a buffer between you and those that drain you, and /or be unable to lose weight when you feel like you are doing everything that you can and it’s not working.
As I mentioned in part 1 the mental and emotional components of weight, I am not here to suggest a diet or exercise program for you. What my hope by sharing this wisdom is that you will begin to understand that you are in many ways trying to protect yourself from what you see or feel as unsafe in your environment. By focusing on feeling safe, shielding, and in some cases letting some people go out of your life, you may find yourself feeling lighter, and no longer needing to eat until you feel full, yet still feel somehow empty.