[1/31/22] Mind-Body Monday: Acceptance (part 4)
Today we are going to be continuing our talk on emotions and how they relate to our health, because we cannot help but embody our emotions. Our minds and bodies are inescapably connected. For the past three weeks I have spoken on the importance of forgiveness and how essential it is for true healing. The quote, “Show me a body wherein lies disease, and I will show you a body wherein lies unforgiveness”, bears repeating for it speaks a deep truth. Forgiveness must be found each and every day, both for ourselves and our loved ones. Today’s talk will be about the necessity of focusing on the power we have with the nature of our thoughts. I wasn’t sure how to title it so I decided on Acceptance. As the Buddhists say, we only suffer to extent of our attachment to outcome. And thus, our lack of acceptance, that whether we like it or not, it is what it is.
One of the paths towards the signpost of forgiveness is found through acceptance of the belief that all things happen for a reason. While random events can and do affect our lives and outcomes to some extent, the majority of individuals and issues that we face are not accidental and have a reason behind their being in our lives. Some pathways of faith believe that we as adults energetically or spiritually call them things to us by the thoughts we have and the energy we put out into the creative force of the universe.
This belief is both difficult and freeing. It is difficult because it requires us to take ownership of the situations of our lives, and If we do that, then we can no longer claim victimhood, and must assume some responsibility for co-creation. The Universal law of attraction states that: “like attracts like”, meaning that our thoughts attract things similar to them. So as an example, if we believe we are unworthy to receive love, we are likely to attract individuals and/or relationships that serve to show us exactly what we feel, by treating us unkindly or as if we had no value. Why, you ask, If we believe we are not loveable, why wouldn’t we attract someone who made us feel loveable? Well, the reason is because no one else can make us feel anything. Sadly, No one can make us loveable. They could tell us that we are time and time again. They could endeavor to show us with acts of service and love, but if we are not willing to believe them, then we cannot make the changes necessary within ourselves to allow for the change in belief. It would make no difference. They could spend their entire lives trying to convince we that we were beautiful, loveable, special, saying it a hundred times a day and it would not make it so in our hearts. We would simply believe that they didn’t really know us, and if they did, they would realize we were no good, or some other similar self-deprecating thought. Thus, if we believe we are unlovable, rather than attract someone to love us as we so deeply desire, we will instead most likely attract someone that will play into that belief, to help us shift.
Let me give you some stereotypical examples that you might have heard. One is that “all men are players.” If someone believes that, then it is highly likely that they will attract men that will cheat on them or cause them in some way to distrust their faithfulness. Or if we believe that “all women are gold-diggers” we would be likely to call to us and be attracted to women who choose us for wealth or status alone, thus further validating our beliefs. This experience is also known as a “self-fulfilling prophecy”, that we tend to get what we expect. For there is the Universal law that says “like attracts like”, and the law of manifestation, that says “thoughts become things”. Our expectations about a person or situation affects how we act toward them, which in turn causes our expectations to be realized.
So if we follow this process back towards its origination it could be said that we attract and even ask (psychologically and/or energetically) for people or situations to show us what we believe, in order for us to question the belief itself. If no one else can make us believe something that goes against our fears of unworthiness, then we have to decide we are tired of people who play into this belief and that we deserve better. Otherwise we will simply choose similar situations and people hoping for different results, leading us to feel stuck in repeating patterns. Have you ever thought to yourself, “why does your friend always seem to choose the same partner?” This is why.
We must move past our childhood traumas and do the work to truly believe we are worthy. If we don’t, we could find our life patterns repeating endlessly in a way that causes us sadness and anger, which unresolved or released can even lead to depression and despair.
But, while this awareness may be frustrating and saddening, initially, it is also freeing. It enables us to take responsibility for our limiting beliefs and thus provides us with the ability to be able to change them, and their outcomes in our lives. It frees us from feeling victimized by people and circumstances, as we now own our part. It can also inspire and promote the energy of forgiveness. This is empowering. We can change the energy we put out into the universe to “attract what we want, instead of what we fear.” Which by the way, if you like to write some of the things down I say, I highly recommend making a note for yourself that says, “I Focus on what I want, not what I fear.” And let it remind you to master those thoughts that are leading you to a place you don’t want to go. I like to say, ‘don’t lay down fear pavers to a path you don’t want to walk to.”
I love this quote by Emily Maroutian, the author of the Energy of Emotion.
“Energy is the currency of the universe. When we ‘pay’ attention to something, we buy that experience. So when we allow our consciousness to focus on someone or something that annoys we, we feed it our energy, and it reciprocates the experience of being annoyed. Be selective in your focus because your attention feeds the energy of it and keeps it alive. Not just within you, but in the collective consciousness as well”
By understanding how the energy of the universe and of our thoughts and ourselves works, we are now capable of accepting that we have had a hand in attracting situations that we consciously do not want. Thus, we can take responsibility, and in turn release the burden of holding another person solely responsible for our pain. When we believe someone else is the reason for our suffering then we unknowingly grant them an incredible amount of power. In the case of those still in our lives, we are granting them power on a moment to moment, or day to day basis, to affect how we feel about ourselves and our lives. The power to steal our thoughts and turn them towards themselves, and to make us believe that we are helpless to heal. Even the power to continue to hurt us even in their absence.
This is a terrifying amount of control to give to another if we think about it. Let me explain further with an example. Say that we feel punished or ill-treated by our boss at work. The pain of that victimization likely doesn’t end when we leave our job for the day. It follows us home, stealing the pleasure of our drive, inserting itself during our dinner, shadowing the interactions we have with our loved ones, with a pall of pain. We’ve lost our freedom. We are now a slave to our boss even when they are not around to control or hurt us. We might even lay awake at night planning ways to get revenge or crying because we feel helpless by the strength of their control on our personal thoughts. This power we have unknowingly granted might not even end there. It could affect how we treat our spouse or children and how we perceive the actions or words of another who is innocent in this mental battle.
Perhaps if we feel disrespected at work, we may begin to see signs of disrespect all around us. Those we have trusted may now seem to have agendas that are not in our best interest. People may seem to be taking advantage of us or making fun of us when viewed through the lens of our distrust, even if they are just being themselves. Thus, before we have even become aware, our life itself has turned into a constant battle for respect or love, and everywhere we turn we may see those that we have cared for as attempting to cause us suffering or take advantage of us. We could ruminate and stew over what was said, what was done, and our thoughts of their thoughts and intentions. Our very existence is now unknowingly controlled by the one person in our life who we would wish to have the absolute least effect. Our pain is now complete, and they have won.
What if we chose to free ourselves instead, from becoming a slave to the thoughts that these interactions bring us. I don’t mean that we ignore or pretend it doesn’t matter, I mean we ask ourselves, firmly but with love, if it is true. If we are someone who deserves to feel victimized. We must deliberately shift our focus from what another person may be thinking, saying or doing, to what we are thinking, saying and doing. And by focusing just on us, we can ask ourselves honestly if these thoughts or feelings are in accordance with who we believe ourselves to be or wish to become.
I want you to ignore for the moment how they made you feel and ask yourself instead, why you feel the way you do. Now, this requires a level of self-knowing, and a depth of honesty that can be very difficult at first, but I promise you that the more you practice turning your thoughts away from others and into yourself, the more you will discover and understand yourself. And most importantly, the freer you will become as a result. At the beginning you may find this level of self-inquiry extremely difficult. This is why I invite you to contact me for a free consultation, so I can help you find your way out of this often, self-imposed pain, so you can empower yourself to be free and heal. I will place a link in the comments for you that connects to me in all the possible ways you might need. I am here for you.